Oh Joy.

A wonderful lady is going to be arriving here in Edmonton tomorrow. She’s done a lot for me in this life, and I really do miss her dearly.

—-She’s my ex; and I love her.

We broke up because I moved away, and about a week ago I got a call from her. She missed me, and wanted to see me. So, here I am, awake and excited, because I get to see her tomorrow. I’m flattered that she even wants to come see me. It honestly brings me so much happiness. Of course, it’s gonna suck when she has to leave. =( Oh well.

Sleepless Nights

Do you ever just lay awake all night, thinking about the future?

Honestly, what is in the future? We as humans learn and work our entire lives, building up social and financial status, but inevitably it all comes to an end with death. So what is the point?

Enjoy life. We all die eventually. There’s no point in being materialistic; thrive on the thoughts that are in your head and PLEASE make them pleasant ones!

Fuck me.

Well.. I dunno. I’m havin’ a shitty time.  Must be because I went on a big burnout binge… It makes me depressed, you know.  Oh well.  It’s getting better I guess.

I just feel shitty about practically everything… Maybe it’s got something to do with my lack of sleep.  Probably.

Here’s some music I’ve recorded… Just shitty recordings… 10 minute jobs each.  Oh well

Slightly Red – Ineedsleep
Slightly Red – I’m Busy
Slightly Red – Red Paratroopa
Slightly Red – Go Hide You Tool

Peace and love eh.

Fake Smile.

Tick tock, fuck you clock
Dilated and movin’ slow
Ahem, attention please
Mouths shut and in your seats
A fake smile.  An icy glare.
A small heart.  A piercing stare.
A modern age dictator.
Doin’ what she does best
Walkin’ on my land
Just cause she can

Tick tock, fuck you clock
Times run out but you won’t give up

You cold whore go back up north
Die alone in the snow.

I can’t take this
I can’t fake this
My eyes are heavy
Open but sleepless
And this bitch is goin on
She don’t know where she’s comin’ from
A huge nerd
But she’s straight up dumb
Though with a witty little comment
She makes me wonder

Just Write.

I guess I can do that.
I could probably write for hours on end about pointless, meaningless SHIT.

My family is moving to Alberta tomorrow and I’m so fucking excited.  It’s somewhat upsetting that I won’t see them for another few months, but they’re getting tiring.  Mums always bitching about this or that; she’s had so much work to do around the house that she just… went fucking crazy over it.  I’ll miss my siblings though.  Just recently I’ve began to get really close to them.  I smoked my brother up the other day… The look on his face when I went into his room and asked him to come smoke a bowl… wow priceless.  It could be on a god damn Mastercard commercial. I drove his girlfriend home tonight. They sat in the back seat and made out the whole way… I had to turn the music up so I didn’t have to hear them.

What else is new?

Well I just figured out one of my good friends went on a 3 week coke binge. Somewhat disturbing… but I guess it’s not really. Everyone makes drugs out to be such bad things. They’re really not… just recreation. Like going kayaking, or mountain climbing. It’s the dependency that’s the problem… friends and family worry.  Oh well.. I’m sure she’ll be fine.  Same old girl

Anyways.
I’m.
Fucking.
Tired.
2.53AM.
Time.
For.
Bed.

Cold.

Well… it’s been a while… about 10 months actually.

School just started…

Damn… that sucks…

My parents are movin to Alberta soon… which is cool.

As of Saturday I’ll be living on my own… pretty sweet I’d say.

Yeah… anyways… I’ve got shit to do… later

Black.

At the mercy of my ever drooping eyes
Deep into the crystal depths, drowning in the bed of lies
Somehow reality has become a figment of my imagination
Colours fade and fall to dust, encase my fragile mind

Worrysome flurries of hatred and pain
Playful misconceptions carried out in vein

MAKE IT STOP

Hate and anger, feelings of pleasure
Sadness, despair, it goes on forever
Fear and excitement, confusion, depression
This melodic mix of emotion is maddening
These worrisome flurries of hatred and pain
These playful misconceptions are carried out in vein

MAKE IT STOP!

The blackness gives.
Reality emerges again.

Stress!

AHHHHH!!!!!!
I JUST WANT TO RUN AROUND AND FUCKING SCREAM!

It is just unbelievable how completely idiotic my fucking peers are.
AAAHHH!!!

So, here’s the situation:

Chem class.  Big fucking lab report.  It’s group work.  Hand in one lab per group, all members must work on it.  So my burnout buddy and me always go together.  But there’s this right dumb ditzy bitch.  She’s all like “OH BE WITH ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME I’M STUPID AND YOU’RE SMART AND I WANT YOUR MARKS”… bla bla fucking bla shut up.

So I said okay.  So there’s my group.  A burn and a ditzy bitch.  Bad start.

Anyways… so I’ve got a broken ankle as it is.  I was at the fracture clinic the day we did the experiment.  And of course I had the procedure that we made.  Stress stress stress.  However, I was surprised.  They managed to figure out the experiment and complete it properly, though they completely butchered the observations they took.  I had to sort alll through those.

The group tasks need to be shared.  So I figured I’d let the ditzy bitch do the easy stuff, told her to take the procedure, materials, observations.
Procedure: Typed, but horrible.  3 fucking steps.  She crammed the entire thing into 3 fucking steps.  Written completely wrong ( learn your english ), written in present tense.
Materials: Don’t even get me started.

And as for the observations.  Well.  She says we never even gave them to her

FUCKING GREAT.

No fucking observations.

Stress levels are just constantly fucking rising.

Drown the Sound.

Bring me down.
Once again just snap the whip
Drown the sound.
Make it stop, just please save me

So alone, just so afraid
Turning round new corners, every day
I’m losing all my leisure to consuming life expectancies
So prematurely tired of the norm
Bursting bubbles of sensation bring out the dark side of me
I just can’t hold on.
This mind blowing ruckus will be the end of me

I cannot stand the norm
I cannot fucking stand the base on which all you people live.

Because I’m just so tired of it
The nagging beasts of the world, ripping holes in my emotion
And the more I seek
The more the beloved sound falls to the bottom of the ocean

I just can’t believe the mistakes I have made.

So can you just
Drown
the
Fucking
Sound
so
I
Can
Fucking
sleep…

Confusion.

 

I really don’t know what to say.
I’m honestly confused in so many ways about so many different things.
I’m at a critical point in my life where I’m going to have to decide what in hell I’m going to do for the rest of my life.
But to be honest… I don’t want to do anything.

I want to be a snowboard bum and a musician and a bartender for the rest of my life.
But I have a gut feeling that somehow that will not turn out well.

I’m confused about my girlfriend, or rather the situation surrounding her.
Her best friend hates me.  I hate her back.
She’s an annoying backstabbing bitch.
Her dad hates me.  He intimidates me.
He’s Italian, and he is very protective of his daughter.
He yelled at me today.
It made me very uncomfortable.

I don’t have a clue what to do about my band.
We’ve played together for nearly 4 years now.
We’ve all been friends since grade 1.
These five are the people I hang out with all the time.
My vocalist and drummer are amazing people.
I have complete and total faith and trust in them.
They play their instruments very well.
The bassist and guitarist are a different story.

The bass is always too loud.
It drowns out all the other music.
We tell him time and time again:

YOU’RE TOO FUCKING LOUD SHUT UP

Yet he never seems to listen.
Attention Whore.
He also spends the majority of his time working to pay for his drug habit.

The guitarist is horrible.
He is a great friend of mine, but he is simply horrible.

How do you tell people these kinds of things?
How do I express these opinions without ruining our friendship?
I’ve been looking for the answer for a long time.
I’ve yet to find it.